Friday, November 28, 2008

Dave's Story Hour

Hi everyone, hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving & Black Friday. We have another guest blog for the day and should be getting back to being the main authors of this blog sometime soon. Today's guest blogger is SOOPERSERIAL friend, Dave. He has a non-fiction story of what can happen when you drink too much and be an asshole to your friend, Lauren.


How I Almost Lost My Friends
Hello SOOPERSERIAL readers. My name is Dave, and I am your guest blogger for the day. Today, I will be sharing a tale with you about how I almost lost my friends. I don't mean like we were at the park and got separated, I mean that I did something so incredibly stupid that I didn't think they would be friends with me ever again.

It all began on Thanksgiving Eve, some of you more intelligent readers (i.e. not Lex) may know that Thanksgiving Eve is the biggest drinking night of the year. I have had some pretty exciting Thanksgiving Eves in the past. I made a good friend named Tony on a Thanksgiving Eve, and he plays a essential part in the major disaster of this year's story. We went to a bar to visit our friend, and SOOPERSERIAL blogger Lauren's brother, Davis (see above picture). Davis is a bartender. He was hooking us up with beverages all night long, making shots for us, and making the drinks a little stronger than expected. After hanging out with Davis for some time we decided to leave his bar and head to a more local bar named Blinky's. We chose Blinky's because of their delicious food. Me and Lauren shared a garlic loaf, and some fried raviolis. I also ordered some hot wings. With all this food I also ordered some delicious alcohol.

While at Blinky's we decided to play music on the Juke Box. I gave Lauren some cash money and she pumped the Juke Box full of good music. This may have been the first step towards the disaster. Tony, who I mentioned became my pal on a past Thanksgiving Eve, is a big fan of the rock band known to some as Guns 'N Roses. He believes that Axl Rose and his current band can still be called Guns 'N Roses. I told him I don't think a band can be called Guns 'N Roses unless it consists of Axl and Slash. Slash went off with a different band and did not call them Guns 'N Roses, and Axl should do the same. Well, after a friendly debate we basically decided to agree to disagree. After just a little more time of hanging out we decided it was time to go.

On the trip home Tony and I began calling eachother Axl and Slash. The ladies we were with also wanted some bad ass musical nicknames. So we decided to hand them out. We named Tony's womanly suitor, Jillian, Yoko Ono because she broke up the band, and sometimes it seems that Jillian is trying to keep us apart. Lauren also wanted a musical nickname, and she would not agree to any of the names we tried to give her. She asked if she could be Carly Simon and, basically out of spite, Tony and I would not agree to that. We kept trying to give her names that she did not want, and she began to get a little upset with us.

We got back to Lauren and Jillian's house and Jillian refused to let us in the door until let Lauren be named Carly Simon. This is when the big disaster happened. The disaster that may only fit in during a Michael Bay film was brewing up at this time. Jill would not unlock the door and Tony told her she didnt have to because "Slash (a.k.a Dave) will kick the door down." Well, I took this as my sign and turned and kicked the door. I did not exert much force in my kick, I did not expect anything to happen from this, but it did. Oh boy did it ever! The door FLEW open and the door frame pretty much exploded everywhere. There was a moment of silence. The door was slowly swinging back ,and nobody could move a muscle or say anything at all. There was a brief moment of a nervous chuckle and some gasps. Axl instantly said "It's cool dude, I've done this before."

Jim ran up and, since he knows everything, he knew he could fix it. He said he had a toolbox in his car and skipped back to his vehicle to get it. He brought out a hammer and Jillian went and got some nails. Axl and I started hammering any pieces we could find back together. In hindsight this was probably a poor choice. We thought we could easily fix it, but apparently this was not the case. While we were working on the door, two neighbors strolled by. Just so you know, this was happening around 2 a.m. These neighbors looked at us and said "Ummmm don't three girls live here, what is going on?" They thought Axl and I were theives doing things to the lock at the house. Lauren stepped out and told them we were not robbers and that everything was cool. The intelligent neighbors then said "Oh so you got drunk and kicked the door down." This was exactly correct. They laughed a bit and then wished us all a goodnight.

We did get the door to be able to close, but we did not get the lock to work. I said I would sleep in front of the door so that if any evil doers were to break in, I would be there for them to kill before they could go murder the girls in their sleep. The girls told me this wasn't necessary, they would just lock their bedroom doors, but I had to break the news to their roommate Jenny. Jenny and I have an interesting relationship. Let's just say that we are currently not friends. I went up and told her what had happened. She was not happy. She said it needed to be fixed and I assured her that it would be. Jillian hung a note on the door reminding Jenny to be gentle with the door. She was never happy about it.

Friday, I finally came back to the scene of the crime and repaired the door. It may not be as pretty as it once was, but I believe it is more secure than it was before. During the repairs we found out the door frame was basically hollow and that is why a simple kick completely blasted the frame into many shrapnel-like pieces. Some jokes have been made about it, and it is becoming water under the bridge, except with Jenny, she is still not happy. Maybe one day I will be able to write a blog about how I won her back as a friend, but for now it is just this story. The story about how Guns 'N Roses, alcohol, and Yoko Ono made me do something so stupid I almost lost my friends.



Davey Boy said...

I forgot to mention how Jim is some kind of freak of nature when it comes to chiseling things. He has never showed us this talent, and he hides it very well since nothing about him is chiseled at all

Baby Mama Brookie said...


Lex said...

Dave, you're an asshole!

Junior said...

Thank you everyone. I got to work on Monday, read this, and laughed consistently for five minutes straight. I'm awfully sorry it happened but the story is hilarious!

Fave line: "I went up and told her what had happened. She was not happy." LOL! I'm not sure if everyone thinks this is funny yet but as you blogged about it, I'm assuming it's safe to laugh...