Friday, November 28, 2008

Dave's Story Hour

Hi everyone, hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving & Black Friday. We have another guest blog for the day and should be getting back to being the main authors of this blog sometime soon. Today's guest blogger is SOOPERSERIAL friend, Dave. He has a non-fiction story of what can happen when you drink too much and be an asshole to your friend, Lauren.


How I Almost Lost My Friends
Hello SOOPERSERIAL readers. My name is Dave, and I am your guest blogger for the day. Today, I will be sharing a tale with you about how I almost lost my friends. I don't mean like we were at the park and got separated, I mean that I did something so incredibly stupid that I didn't think they would be friends with me ever again.

It all began on Thanksgiving Eve, some of you more intelligent readers (i.e. not Lex) may know that Thanksgiving Eve is the biggest drinking night of the year. I have had some pretty exciting Thanksgiving Eves in the past. I made a good friend named Tony on a Thanksgiving Eve, and he plays a essential part in the major disaster of this year's story. We went to a bar to visit our friend, and SOOPERSERIAL blogger Lauren's brother, Davis (see above picture). Davis is a bartender. He was hooking us up with beverages all night long, making shots for us, and making the drinks a little stronger than expected. After hanging out with Davis for some time we decided to leave his bar and head to a more local bar named Blinky's. We chose Blinky's because of their delicious food. Me and Lauren shared a garlic loaf, and some fried raviolis. I also ordered some hot wings. With all this food I also ordered some delicious alcohol.

While at Blinky's we decided to play music on the Juke Box. I gave Lauren some cash money and she pumped the Juke Box full of good music. This may have been the first step towards the disaster. Tony, who I mentioned became my pal on a past Thanksgiving Eve, is a big fan of the rock band known to some as Guns 'N Roses. He believes that Axl Rose and his current band can still be called Guns 'N Roses. I told him I don't think a band can be called Guns 'N Roses unless it consists of Axl and Slash. Slash went off with a different band and did not call them Guns 'N Roses, and Axl should do the same. Well, after a friendly debate we basically decided to agree to disagree. After just a little more time of hanging out we decided it was time to go.

On the trip home Tony and I began calling eachother Axl and Slash. The ladies we were with also wanted some bad ass musical nicknames. So we decided to hand them out. We named Tony's womanly suitor, Jillian, Yoko Ono because she broke up the band, and sometimes it seems that Jillian is trying to keep us apart. Lauren also wanted a musical nickname, and she would not agree to any of the names we tried to give her. She asked if she could be Carly Simon and, basically out of spite, Tony and I would not agree to that. We kept trying to give her names that she did not want, and she began to get a little upset with us.

We got back to Lauren and Jillian's house and Jillian refused to let us in the door until let Lauren be named Carly Simon. This is when the big disaster happened. The disaster that may only fit in during a Michael Bay film was brewing up at this time. Jill would not unlock the door and Tony told her she didnt have to because "Slash (a.k.a Dave) will kick the door down." Well, I took this as my sign and turned and kicked the door. I did not exert much force in my kick, I did not expect anything to happen from this, but it did. Oh boy did it ever! The door FLEW open and the door frame pretty much exploded everywhere. There was a moment of silence. The door was slowly swinging back ,and nobody could move a muscle or say anything at all. There was a brief moment of a nervous chuckle and some gasps. Axl instantly said "It's cool dude, I've done this before."

Jim ran up and, since he knows everything, he knew he could fix it. He said he had a toolbox in his car and skipped back to his vehicle to get it. He brought out a hammer and Jillian went and got some nails. Axl and I started hammering any pieces we could find back together. In hindsight this was probably a poor choice. We thought we could easily fix it, but apparently this was not the case. While we were working on the door, two neighbors strolled by. Just so you know, this was happening around 2 a.m. These neighbors looked at us and said "Ummmm don't three girls live here, what is going on?" They thought Axl and I were theives doing things to the lock at the house. Lauren stepped out and told them we were not robbers and that everything was cool. The intelligent neighbors then said "Oh so you got drunk and kicked the door down." This was exactly correct. They laughed a bit and then wished us all a goodnight.

We did get the door to be able to close, but we did not get the lock to work. I said I would sleep in front of the door so that if any evil doers were to break in, I would be there for them to kill before they could go murder the girls in their sleep. The girls told me this wasn't necessary, they would just lock their bedroom doors, but I had to break the news to their roommate Jenny. Jenny and I have an interesting relationship. Let's just say that we are currently not friends. I went up and told her what had happened. She was not happy. She said it needed to be fixed and I assured her that it would be. Jillian hung a note on the door reminding Jenny to be gentle with the door. She was never happy about it.

Friday, I finally came back to the scene of the crime and repaired the door. It may not be as pretty as it once was, but I believe it is more secure than it was before. During the repairs we found out the door frame was basically hollow and that is why a simple kick completely blasted the frame into many shrapnel-like pieces. Some jokes have been made about it, and it is becoming water under the bridge, except with Jenny, she is still not happy. Maybe one day I will be able to write a blog about how I won her back as a friend, but for now it is just this story. The story about how Guns 'N Roses, alcohol, and Yoko Ono made me do something so stupid I almost lost my friends.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, readers! We are definitely thankful for all of you! Here is a guest blog by Emily, a good friend of SOOPERSERIAL. Thanks for writing, Em! P.S. I didn't get the pics with your blog, so I had to find my own.


"Giving Thanks"

First – a big thank you to Lauren and Lex for letting me celebrity blog on SOOPERSERIAL. I am a loyal reader and I'm excited to have an entry in the blog hosted by my two favorite bitches. In honor of the Thanksgiving holiday, I have decided to devote my blog entry to things that I am thankful for. There are many things in my life that give me reason to give thanks (family, friends, health and well-being) but I'm choosing to highlight my "top 5 materialistic things to be thankful for" for SOOPERSERIAL readers.

1 . My New 1G iPod Shuffle

I cannot live without my tunes, and my old-ass ipod from 2005 has been on the fritz for some time now. It probably doesn't help that I would run for miles and miles with it shaking in my hands, but you live and learn. So for a cool $50 I was able to purchase a 1G ipod shuffle (pink of course). It holds 250 songs and is perfect for working out because it operates more like a flash drive, in that it doesn't have an external hard drive (geek moment). So I just clip it and go. Right now I am part of a tripod team training for a triathlon next august in Philly. I'll be the one running with my pink shuffle.

2. Elliot Stabler aka Christopher Meloni

Tuesday nights on NBC are sooper-steamy thanks to this major hottie. Elliot Stabler is a bad ass, Catholic, former-military, husband and father, detective in the Manhattan P.D.'s Special Victims Unit (SVU). I can't even remember why I started watching this show. The topics/crimes in the show are often very disturbing and usually mimic a recent event that happened in the news. Maybe it's my rando interest in criminology/forensics – but no matter what – this show is made 1000x better because of Elliot Stabler. He's always beating the shit out of people and getting in trouble for being a BAMF. He has also made a guest appearance on another favorite show of mine, Scrubs, as the puppet doctor (for lack of a real character name). Extra points in my book. He was also on Oz, but I didn't watch that show. One time, my bff sent me a picture message on my phone that was a naked pic of Elliot Stabler. I wish I still had that phone…

3. My 1996 Toyota Tercel DX
There's nothing I hate more than public transportation (not because I'm snobby but because I am usually running about 5 minutes late for all things in life, and I'd never survive on public transportation). ANYWAY – I am the proud owner of a 1996 Toyota Tercel DX. Don't know what the DX stands for, but either way, love it. It gets amazing gas mileage and I pretty much run it into the ground because it is so old. I hit a deer one time and the Tercel killed it – deer didn't stand a chance. I'll prob be getting a new car in the spring, but right now, I am so thankful to have the Tercel when I'm sitting in Philly traffic every day.

4. Boots with the Fur
So I couldn't find a picture of the actual Candie's boots that I have (me either), but these look similar. On one of my visits to my bff's house in Pittsburgh, I couldn't help but notice a warm and fuzzy pair of boots with the fur on her bedroom floor. She informed me that she got them at Kohl's (sweet, my mom works at Kohl's!) and they were sooper-comfortable. However, I try not to get too excited about shoes EVER because I wear a size 11, and it's so hard for me to find shoes. (Note: I am not a freak of nature or a giant, I just have big feet). Imagine my surprise when I head to the local Kohl's and I find an "extra large" chocolate-y pair of boots with the fur – ON SALE. I snatched those things up and they haven't left my feet since. Now my bff and I rock them together at special occasions and we highly recommend them!

5. Tazo Passion Tea

This stuff is a miracle drink. It can be served hot, iced or shaken with lemonade – and no matter what, it's amazing. My bff and I used to get venti Passion Tea with Lemonade from Starbucks and people watch on the steps of our university's union building wearing our sunglasses. Best times ever. Since it's frickin freezing outside, I drink it hot and it's still delish, just missing my bff.

So that's my list. There are tons of things in my life that I am thankful for. I have the best friends in the whole world who would do anything for me, a family who loves me, a job that I enjoy going to every day, a sweet place to live and as far as I know, I'm not dying of any horrible diseases. I hope that everyone takes a few minutes today and in the upcoming holiday season to be thankful for everything – materialistic or not – that they have in their lives. And then wash it all down with a passion tea – or some booze. Thanks for reading, bitches!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Single Ladylockdown

I am really enjoying Love Lockdown by Kanye West right now. I fell in love with Gold Digger when it came out too, and the songs are completely different - which I think is a testament to just how talented Mr. West is. He is very full of himself, but I think rightfully so. Here is the video for Love Lockdown, which I think you guys should watch. The video is interesting, but I think I like the song better just by itself. Check it out:

Another song I have been jamming to lately is Beyonce's Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It). It's not the most meaningful song, but it's really catchy and fun. The video is unique in the fact that it's just dancing - no plot, no driving around in cars, no frills, no fuss. I like it precisely because of it's simplicity. The dance moves are relatively easy (although done quickly and in precision - gotta give B some credit here!), so the video has spawned some impersonators. Here is Beyonce's version:

Here are some copy cats, clearly adding their own flavor. I like this trend, to be perfectly honest. I would rather be Single Ladied than Rick Rolled, personally.

And here is Shane Mercado on Bonnie Hunt's talk show (that's for Kelly - my brother's girlfriend, who never reads the blog, but her favorite actress is Bonnie Hunt for some reason).


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Office: A Rant

I have been bottling up these emotions for awhile, so just bear with me, people. If you want to skip this post, I understand. I'm just very passionate about our society's important issues, like NBC's The Office.

OK, as I'm sure most people know, I have loved The Office (US version - I love the original UK version as well but that's not the point at the moment) since Day 1. I own all the DVDs, watch the weekly reruns on TBS, still laugh at Kevin's anal fissures, and wish that my company had a Dundies Award ceremony at my local Chili's restaurant. I even somewhat forced friends/coworkers to eventually just give in and start watching it because I talked about it so incessantly. However, I think the show has gone downhill this season, especially with the fanfiction-esque relationship of Jim and Pam, affectionately known as "JAM."

For those of you not up to speed, here's a quick recap: Jim and Pam were basically BFFs for life ever since they started working together at Dunder Mifflin Scranton. The two had little crushes on each other, which eventually turned into something real, espcially on Jim's end. However, at the time, Pam was engaged to Roy, a warehouse worker, so Jim knew that they could never be together and eventually, heartbroken, transferred to the company's Stamford branch, only to be transferred back to ye olde Scranton a short time later. During this time, Pam had broken off her wedding with Roy, but in the meantime Jim had already started dating someone else in an effort to move on. Eventually, they both realized they were MFEO and started dating during Season 4, and about a year later, got engaged during the premiere of Season 5.

OK, now we're all on the same page. This sounds like it should be a match made in heaven. I wanted them together so, so bad. I cried real tears over these two fictional characters! It's something that both the characters themselves and the fans have been waiting for for a really long time, so it should be perfect - right? RIGHT?! Wrong. Somewhere along the way, the writing just went really awry. Honestly to me it seems like they have a bunch of 12 year old fangirls writing their storyline because their relationship is anything but realistic.

It just seems like these two are never fully honest with each other. Pam spent a semester at "art school" (how cliche does that sound?) this season in beautiful and exciting NYC, only to mysteriously find out a few weeks before the end of the semester that she was 100% failing one of her classes. Really, Pam? You didn't know you were failing until it was too late?

So, she tells Jim that she has to stay another 12 weeks to make up for the failing grade, causing more strain on their long-distance relationship. He tells her he is OK with that if she is (which I am fine with, he is just trying to do the right thing and make her feel better), and she agrees, while trying to hold back tears. Maaaybe it's just me, but isn't honesty one of the major factors in a relationship? Your "love interest" is someone who is supposed to be there for you through the happy and sad times, no matter what. So what was the deal with Pam holding back her emotions? If you want to cry, freaking cry, Fancy New Beesley! That's what boyfriends are for!

Naturally, Pam decides to quit school (all of that work/money for nothing?!) and come back to Scranton, where she and Jim plan to live happily ever after. Gag me. I get that long distance relationships suck, but this is JAM - if anyone can stick it out, they can. To add insult to injury, Jim cooked up a little scheme while Pam was gone. He purchased a house for them without her knowing. And not just any house, his parents' house! Creepy 101. Granted, it was done out of love and his heart was in the right place, but shouldn't he have discussed such a major decision with his bride-to-be before jumping in head first? Again with the honesty thing. You aren't supposed to keep such important secrets in a relationship! It would be different if he bought her an amazing condo in Trump Towers, but we're talking your average single-family home in Scranton. What if Pam doesn't even like it?

Oh wait, of course she loves it! She thinks it's wonderful and fantastic and as always this sentiment is sealed with a kiss. The preteen writers strike again! What is next? A storybook wedding complete with a horse and carriage? Then Pam gets pregnant with twins - one boy and one girl, and they all skip off happily towards the sunset with little puppies frolicking at their side. Come on. To quote Maroon 5 (and I don't even like them!): "It's not always rainbows and butterflies/ It's compromise/It moves us along."

I'm just so over the lovey-dovey crap. They make the Dwight/Angela/Andy love triangle seem normal and healthy! (That's a whole different story in itself; do your own research on that one!) Bottom line: Let's go, Office writers, aka young adults. I want the passion. I want the pranks. I want the honesty. I want the sparks. Hell, I even want the awkward moments. I want JAM back!

Whew. I feel much better now. Fellow Office fans - do you agree with me, or am I just a cynical bitch? Maybe don't answer that last part.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Baby Mama Brookie Guest Blog

After a rousing conversation about reality television the other day, I invited my friend Baby Mama Brookie to guest blog about said topic. What follows is a pretty good description of a typical reality show viewer - you get sucked in and then start to develop feelings (love, hate, pity, etc.) for these "characters." So please welcome our first (of a few?) guest blogs:

Hello all. This is Brooke stepping in to post a guest blog. Sorta like "celebrity shooter" in one of my fave pong. Anyways, during a lovely lunch with 2 of my besties we got on the topic of reality shows. I am actually a really big fan of them and usually start out hating the show but somehow they brainwash me and I'm addicted. First, Jon & Kate Plus 8, hated it then loved it. Not really what I would do to my children but hey, its kinda entertaining. Next, I Love New York. Absolutely positively HATE her, she annoys the crap outta me and she is just such the ghetto fabulous bitch that she aimed to be, BUT I tuned in every week to watch. Weird. Stemming from that came Real Chance of Love....ADDICTED! They are too funny and the girls are soooo crazy. You can't help but laugh. Pretty much any reality show on VH1 is good in my book. Which brings me to Rock of Love. (side note: HATED Flavor of Love) "Middle aged rock star trying to find love with twenty-something groupies that want to make a name for themselves." What part of that doesn't SCREAM entertainment?! And then, we put them in Charm School. Lost cause. But again, fun to watch. I hated New York, was grossed out by Flav, very freaked out by Little People Big World, fell in love with sextuplets....and so on, but no one irks me more than Lacey from Rock of Love. What a BITCH. Her ugly ass is always taking credit for people going home. Now, I'll give her some of that on the original season....she did know how to play the game. However, on Charm School....come on wench, these girls eliminate themselves. It doesn't take much for slutty, dramatic, attention loving whores to show they don't have "charm". Sharon doesn't need your help! The only other girl on there that I really can't stand is Megan. Luckily for me, she was recently kicked out of Charm School. Well, thanks for letting me get my feelings of reality tv out there on SOOPERSERIAL!

Love ya!


Saturday, November 22, 2008

Flash Lights

I don't know if any of you watch Nip/Tuck, but if you do, here is the new promo... there are some other relevant ones out there, but this one is just artsy and freaky - which is the way I like everything.
Check it out:


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Prop H8torade

Well I just realized I completely forgot to blog about the election pretty much... so to summarize, I am happy with the results and I voted for Mr. O. and he won and that's awesome.

But Prop 8... oh my dear Prop 8.
I was having a conversation with one of my friends this weekend about gay marriage. We have had this exact same conversation while eating cheese steaks in Philly (yay BFF), and we had it again a few days ago. To paraphrase:
ME: Can you tell me why you don't believe gay people should be able to get married?
*TIM: It's not the same as a man and woman getting married.
ME: WHY do you think it's different?
TIM: Because it's a man and a man, not a man and a woman.
ME: But you don't think that one couple in love should have the same rights and privileges as another couple in love?
TIM: No, it's different.
ME: Why?
TIM: You must not understand.
*Name changed to protect the ignorant.

That went on for an long time in a catch 22-esque manner. I'll personally let you all know right now that I'm an atheist, so I take all religious arguments as bullshit. If you take the religious angle out of it, I really don't understand why Britney and Kevin could get married but Ellen and Portia can't. It's absolutely ridiculous to me and I think in a few years we will look back on this as a "what were we collectively thinking?" thing. I just wish someone would give me a logical reason why gay couples shouldn't have the same rights to marry as straight couples, and so far no one has been able to give me one.
Anyway, Rich at FourFour (link in our Blogroll, he is awesome - check him out!) posted this video that is pretty much AMAZING, concise, reasonable, logical, and at the same time not completely void of emotion. If you have 6 and a 1/2 minutes, I strongly urge you to watch it, and if you think you don't have the time, you're a liar pants... just watch it.


Praise Be To XENU!!!

I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong, and in the case of Tom Cruise and "Kate" Holmes, I was very, very wrong. From the get go, I figured this was just a publicity stunt (much like I thought the Ashton/Demi stuff was a publicity stunt - wrong again!) and would be over in like a hott minute. And while I still think their romance is really a fauxmance, I have to give them some credit for their efforts because today is their 2 year wedding anniversary. Good for them. I will be sending them a nice theton gift set to celebrate the occasion.
Unfortunately, Tom Cruise has been working his way up in my scorebook. He has been staying out of the public eye lately and was able to not be sooperserious about himself in Tropic Thunder. While I do love LOLing at his antics, I think it is better for him if he stays out of sight and out of earshot for a while; it makes people forget that he is so... just how he is.

So anyway, we here at Sooperserial want to wish the Cruise-Holmes family a happy anniversary. And I personally would like to bet that Tom will divorce her in approximately 7 years and 364 days... aka right before he is married to her for 10 years and property laws apply differently in the state of California... aka just what he did to Nicole.

Whatever happens, I will be rooting for you two crazy kids. Maverick + Joey Potter = sexy alien love.
P.S. I think Katie is broken, because she definitely doesn't smile the way she did in that picture anymore.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Checking In With Y'all

Hey readers. Again, we be sorry for not updating a lot. We're just busy hoes, ya knows?

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about The Pick-up Artist - that show on VH1. It is so ridiculous that I cannot even really stand to watch it...or even be in the same room while it is on. I could understand a show where they taught lovable losers to be more outgoing and socially acceptable, but the whole premise of this show could be summed up by saying: Women are dumb -even the loserest of losers can have sexual intercourse with super hott women if they say the right lines.

Uhhh... yeah, these women have to sign releases to be on this show. The only reason they talk to these guys is because A) They feel bad for them OR B) They want to get some screen time. They could potentially get to like these guys for their personality, but Mystery (the leader of this sad pack) doesn't really let them go off of their script. And what a mystery Mystery is. Here is a picture if you've never been graced with his image:

Seriously? Eyeliner, lip tattoo on the neck, a bona fide locket, a feather boa, kind of a reverse drag face (i.e. a girl dressing up like a guy)...and I could go on with the list of things that baffle me about him.

My point is, this show is crap and I don't like it.