Monday, September 29, 2008

Food Rehab

Over the weekend I ate/drank a disgusting amount of food/drink and by the time my roommate brought me home a milkshake at 10pm, I decided that I needed to detox thyself.

I remembered that Beyonce did a detox diet to prepare for "Dreamgirls" (when I went to type that, I typed "Mean Girls" at first, out of habit...), so I decided to research that. I learned that she completed what is called the "Master Cleanse," which basically consists of drinking water, lemon juice, grade B maple syrup, and cayenne pepper all mixed up...and also drinking laxative teas and drinking a salt solution to make you... um, go twosies. I thought this was kind of gross, but I love drinking things, so it might have been do-able. And, Beyonce did go from this to this:

But then I read about the...twosies. You basically have to stay by the bathroom for a long time or else you might poop your pants by accident. I am not the kind of girl who wants to poop her pants either by accident or on purpose. Also, I read that things like this could come out:

It's bad enough contemplating the fact that shit (literally) like that could be in my body as we speak, but I really doubt I could handle dealing with it up close and personal. F'n disgusting for reals. So needless to say, I decided against the Master Cleanse. I decided instead to raw food only detox for 3 or 4 days and hopefully that will get the cravings for caffeine and chemically enhanced food out of my system...and maybe I will go back to semi-veganism!
For those of you who don't know, raw food is food that is natural and has never been cooked...which means for the next few days I will only be eating fruits and vegetables pretty much. These foods are extremely low in calories and don't have any of the shit that I'm addicted to in them (i.e. caffeine, artificial sugar, etc.), so I am going to be a grumpy ass ho, most likely. If Alicia Silverstone can do this shit, well AS IF, so can I!!!
I will let you guys know how the detox went, whether you care or not!



Lex said...

You KNOW I have the lowest gross-out threshold ever, so I really, really could have done without that photo.

However, I always do the raw diet after coming home from my conference in July. The food there = the worst, and I always feel much better after the detox. It's not that bad for a few days. (This is being written as I eat a giant Tootsie Roll, PS.)

Dave said...

That poop looks it has teeth... If my poop ever had teeth I would def think whatever I was eating was wrong.