Thursday, January 31, 2008

Toxic Spears

Right now our beloved Brit Brit is in the hospital against her will. I hope she ends up getting some help and can turn back to the Britney we know and love. Lots of people are bickering with each other to be in control of her medical decisions, such as Osama "Sam" Lufti and her parents... honestly, I won't be surprised if Adnan and Kev get in on the "control Britney's life" game soon. Here is what I think needs to be done to "fix" Brit:

1. Put someone in charge of her that has nothing to gain from her. She has been her parents' cash cow for her whole life, Osama is her own personal Howard K. Stern, Adnan has sold photos of them, and Kevin is suing the shit out of her. I'm thinking we should let Brangelina adopt her. They are humanitarians, so they would love to help her, and they're always looking for new kids. They are already rich and famous, so they don't need Brit for any publicity.

2. Keep her out of the public eye for 6 months of so. During this time she can break her addictions to drugs and fraps (among other things) and work on getting back into shape for her music career (which can SO be resurrected, I have faith!). During this time, contact with her parents and her 3 leeching men will be prohibited as well.

3. During her time of being a Brangelina child and being in hiding, she can also work on writing her memoir. This will make her at least appear to be someone intelligent (she's obviously going to need a ghost writer, but people will ignore that). After her 6 months are over and her book is written, she can go on a book tour and give interviews out the wazoo. I think by then she will be able to tell who she should kick out of her life and who she should keep.

Does anyone know Brit? Tell her my plan and that I'm willing to do whatever I can to help!

xoxo (and this time that is directed to Britney, not our fabulous and loyal readers),

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Long Time No Write.

So much has happened since we did a last post. I'll run down some things for you:
1. Tom Cruise's crazy scientology video was leaked. He is playing basically the same character as he was in Magnolia (which is one of my favorite movies, by the way - P.T. Anderson is amazing!).
2. Britney - not much has really changed. Still crazy, now with some more colorful characters in her posse.

3. Heath Ledger died. That was sad and unexpected. I don't really have anything to say about it other than that.

4. Nicole Richie and Xtina had their babies. Harlow and Max. Maybe they can get married one day.

I think those were the big things.
Check back soon! We will update hardcore in the next few days.


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Portrait of Dorian Gay.

Please visit this website for some truly amazing Olan Mills-esque family portraits of years past. My grandma worked at JCPenny for years and would always make us get these God-awful pictures taken. *Shudder*


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Underage Gaming.

This post from The Consumerist struck a chord with me. A 21-year-old boy from Illinois just wanted to buy himself a nice Xbox game at a local Best Buy. He took his younger brother with him, the Best Buy employees accused him of "illegally" buying an "M" for Mature game for a minor. He wasn't buying it for his brother; he was buying it for himself, and the last time I checked, the suggested video game rating system is not enforceable by law. Also, Best Buy was making a pretty penny off this stupid game, so why make an issue of it? Get a life, Best Buy. I hate that place anyway but I'll save that particular rant for a different time.

Completely unrelated, but congrats to Pittsburgh-area native Christina Aguilera on the birth of her baby boy. May he enjoy many "M" for Mature video games in his lifetime, and may he always remain in the custody of both his parents, unlike a certain other Mouseketeer alumni.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Acme Looniversity.

If you have 30 minutes to kill, please enjoy this wonderful montage of many 90's cartoon theme songs. Some of them I admittedly had never heard of, but the classics are there. I didn't realize that the Sonic cartoon had so many spin-offs. Sega Genesis is about as advanced as I get when it comes to video games.

Thanks, Dave, for the tip.


Friday, January 4, 2008

Crazy, but it feels all right.

As I'm sure everyone knows, our beloved Britney Spears was rushed to the hospital last night following a three-hour stand off with the cops after refusing to return her children to KFed at the scheduled time. She will be given a psychiatric evaluation (FINALLY) and is in a "special needs unit" after apparently trying to kill herself. You can click here for a timeline of events, courtesy of Us Magazine.

Get better, Britney! I don't know who is to blame, but all I know is that I want the old Britney back. Hang in there - for yourself and your kids. In anticipation of your speedy recovery, I am posting one of my favorite songs/videos of yours. Earlier choices of "My Prerogative" (KFed cameo) and "Everytime" (the suicide part is probably a little inappropriate) were shot down by me, so here is your Grammy-award winning (yes, you read that right), "Toxic."

Leave Britney Alone,

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Secrest, I mean Secrets, Out.

As a New Year treat, the awesome blog Crazy Days and Nights revealed a TON of blind items to help ring in 2008. Enjoy reading them - I know I did. Unrelated, but I hate cats, yet somehow love LOLcats. I has problemz.