Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Hit Me BABY One More Time!

I have a sibling. Sometimes we are rivals. When this happens, it is called "sibling rivalry." This doesn't just affect us regular kin, it affects famous kin, too.
There was once a time when Jessica Simpson seemed on top of the world, like nothing could go wrong in her life. Her little sister Ashlee was sort of an uglier, less talented, lip synching, retarded jigging version of Jessica. So, Ashlee did what any normal sibling would do and got completely hottified through the miracle of plastic surgery. Now, Ashlee has a long term boyfriend and a lucrative contract with Victoria's Secret and Jessica has some straight-to-DVD movies and quite a number of failed relationships. Good for Ashlee.
It follows logically that Britney Spears's sister would want to get in on the action. Let's list some of Britney's recent achievements:
1. Divorced
2. Lost custody of children
3. Shaved head
4. Abysmal performance on VMAs
5. Attacked paparazzi with umbrella (ella, ella, eh)
6. Hangs out with a guy named Osama
7. Needed extreme photoshopping in music videos
8. Rountinely missed court dates
9. Rehab
10. Drank her weight in Starbucks fraps
...and those are just off the top of my head.

Today, I read something about Britney that actually shocked me for once: that her 16 year old sister is pregnant! WTF?! My friends and I just watched whatever show she is on the other day, commenting how she looks exactly like Britney, BUT BETTER BEHAVED. Needless to say, we spoke too soon.

Her boyfriend is 19 years old, which troubles me a bit. I looked it up, and according to this site, if they were banging in Louisiana (her home state), then it's all good, but if they were doing the horizontal tango in Cali (my guess is this is where she works), then her bf was raping her the whole time. You say potato, I say bastard child of rape.

We here at Sooperserial would like to wish this new baby the best of luck. Sean P. and JJ will show you the ropes and teach you how to stay safe in a Spears infested world.

xoxo,
Lauren

P.S. I'm going to have to go ahead and commend JLS for this... well played, my dear, well played. It's not easy to steal the attention from Brit Brit, but she managed. And for that, she has my respect.

1 comment:

Davey Boy said...

the 101 in Zoey 101 stands for how many dicks she sucked