Sunday, December 30, 2007

Want to get away?

My brother and I have developed a truly sad habit of watching amateur YouTube videos of theme park rides and attractions. While searching for videos of one of our fave dearly departed Cedar Point rides, White Water Landing (RIP), we came across this gem. It is so awesome that it speaks for itself. Actually, the director's choice of music and the POEM HE WROTE ABOUT THE RIDE speaks for him.



I'm also throwing in a bonus video of the Jurassic Park ride just for Lauren.


Happy New Year,
Lex

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Hit Me BABY One More Time!

I have a sibling. Sometimes we are rivals. When this happens, it is called "sibling rivalry." This doesn't just affect us regular kin, it affects famous kin, too.
There was once a time when Jessica Simpson seemed on top of the world, like nothing could go wrong in her life. Her little sister Ashlee was sort of an uglier, less talented, lip synching, retarded jigging version of Jessica. So, Ashlee did what any normal sibling would do and got completely hottified through the miracle of plastic surgery. Now, Ashlee has a long term boyfriend and a lucrative contract with Victoria's Secret and Jessica has some straight-to-DVD movies and quite a number of failed relationships. Good for Ashlee.
It follows logically that Britney Spears's sister would want to get in on the action. Let's list some of Britney's recent achievements:
1. Divorced
2. Lost custody of children
3. Shaved head
4. Abysmal performance on VMAs
5. Attacked paparazzi with umbrella (ella, ella, eh)
6. Hangs out with a guy named Osama
7. Needed extreme photoshopping in music videos
8. Rountinely missed court dates
9. Rehab
10. Drank her weight in Starbucks fraps
...and those are just off the top of my head.

Today, I read something about Britney that actually shocked me for once: that her 16 year old sister is pregnant! WTF?! My friends and I just watched whatever show she is on the other day, commenting how she looks exactly like Britney, BUT BETTER BEHAVED. Needless to say, we spoke too soon.

Her boyfriend is 19 years old, which troubles me a bit. I looked it up, and according to this site, if they were banging in Louisiana (her home state), then it's all good, but if they were doing the horizontal tango in Cali (my guess is this is where she works), then her bf was raping her the whole time. You say potato, I say bastard child of rape.

We here at Sooperserial would like to wish this new baby the best of luck. Sean P. and JJ will show you the ropes and teach you how to stay safe in a Spears infested world.

xoxo,
Lauren

P.S. I'm going to have to go ahead and commend JLS for this... well played, my dear, well played. It's not easy to steal the attention from Brit Brit, but she managed. And for that, she has my respect.

Tailor Made for the HBIC

Last night was the I Love New York 2 finale, and Tailor Made got the girl. I'm positive it was that slap from Sister Patterson that gave him the confidence he needed to win NY's heart. I can't stop looking at that picture and LOLing. I have problems.

Anyway, NY just did an interview with Vh1.com where she says that she and Tailor Made have been secretly LIVING TOGETHER since the show ended. Ballsy! Congrats to the happy couple - I can't wait for the shit to hit the fan at the reunion show.

(Sister Slapperson image courtesy of Vh1.com)

xoxo,
Lex

PS - For those of you (aka Lauren) who were interested in Tailor Made's age, he's 32 with an 11 year old daughter - yowza!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Buddha or Tailor Made?

Click here if you want to know who wins I Love New York 2 a day early. Of course I clicked it, but I don't want to ruin the surprise for those of you who actually like surprises. There are a few clips from the show, including some uncensored stuff which borders on disturbing. I have heard that New York is still in a relationship with the winner, so I don't think we will be seeing a season 3 anytime soon.


Kind of makes me sad - I genuinely have love for New York. She is the true HBIC. I can't think of anyone who else would seriously say she doesn't trust parrots because they "can't speak the English diction" or refer to a huuuge python as "plus-sized." Maybe they will get their own spin-off show, which would be awesome. The Flavor of Love series and its many spawns always receives huge ratings (consistently averaging about 4 million viewers a week and always in the top 10 weekly cable shows) for Vh1, so it is possible.
xoxo,
Lex

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

If Kelly Kapoor were an LOLcat.....



Sadly, this is as close as we're getting to new material from "The Office" these days. It still made me laugh though.

You can see this and 19 other funny Dunder Mifflin related LOLcats at OfficeTally.

xoxo,
Lex

Sunday, December 9, 2007

I still want my hula-hoop.

I, much like Lauren, now probably know what Amy Winehouse feels like every day of her life. Thursday night I came down with the flu out of NOWHERE and have been out of commission for the past few days. It was bound to happen because two weeks ago at Costco when they were advertising $20 flu shots I said "I haven't had the flu since I was like, FIVE!" So that's karma for you.

Moving on to something much more important than my health or lack thereof: Alvin and the Chipmunks. These little fuzzy rodents have been a beloved staple in my life ever since I can remember. I have so many fond memories of them: the Saturday morning TV show, collecting the toys, going to see The Chipmunk Adventure, and so on. This Friday, they are about to be (presumably) desecrated by people eager to make a quick buck off their innocent charm with the new feature film, cleverly titled Alvin and the Chipmunks. Please view exhibit A below:
UGHHHH. One of the greatest things about the Chipmunks is that they are TIMELESS. THEY NEVER CHANGE. So, what in God's name are they trying to do with this new movie? Make them "thugs?" I mean, honestly, it's just embarrassing. The Chipmunks don't have to try so hard to be "cool" - they already are cool. Well, they were until now.

Their famous "Christmas Song" won THREE Grammy Awards. Let's see the new Thugmunks try to top that.




xoxo,
Lex

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Fergie Ferg Post


Stacy Ann Ferguson is one of my favorite people in this world; I have loved her since her early days in the Black Eyed Peas. I heard her sing live on Letterman or Leno one time and my love was slightly disturbed because she must have A LOT of help in the studio to make her sound the way she does on the radio and such. Since I've apparently only been interested in writing about female singers lately, I figured I would show Fergie some love. To start this love fest, I looked to my soulmate, Wikipedia and learned the following, perhaps lesser known, facts:

1. Fergie is an Aries (3/27/1975...which makes her exactly 9 years older than Lex).
2. She is Mexican and Native American.
3. She was raised Catholic.
4. Fergie was a girl scout.
5. She used to <3 crystal meth.
6. She peed herself on stage one time and was totally cool with it (see pic).

The following video is a good example of the essence of Fergie. When she starts out singing, she sounds like crap, then she somehow manages to pull it together, and then ends the performance by distracting you from her singing. It's a decent performance of a great song. Check it out here:

I Would Love Rehab!


Today I feel like how I imagine Miss Amy Winehouse feels every day of her life. I've been studying/taking midterms for about 48 hours straight and only about 5 hours of sleep. I've never been on what they call a "bender" before, but if I had to guess, it kind of feels like this.

Apparently having a two year bender can't stop a hott bitch from being nominated for some Gram Grams. Amy did really well, garnering 6 noms for her vocal stylings - I am a fan of her' and FYI "Rehab" was my Myspace song wayyyy before the rest of you skanks even knew who she was. So congrats to you, Amy Winehouse!

I'm really torn about the Gramz this year because both of Jay-Z's ladies are nominated for Record of the year! It's Irreplaceable vs. Umbrella (vs. Rebab vs. What Goes Around vs. The Pretender). Out of B & R's jams, I honestly could not even tell you which one I like more. Tear. I wish everyone could win and we could bake cakes of sunshine and rainbows and...I don't even go to this school [mean girls].

Seriously, actually SUPER SERIOUSLY, the staff (lol) here at sooperserial wish all the Grammy nominees the best of luck, it's a great honor and basically the best you can do as a recording artist. You can check out the full list of Grammy nominees here.


xoxo,
Lauren

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Friendship never ends.

Sadly, this is the closest I will ever be to seeing the Spice Girls in concert. WAH-WAH. :(

Report Cards: I'm lovin' it.

Some bitches in Florida are getting all up-in-arms because there is an advertisement for McDonalds on their kids' report cards. All it says is "Reward yourself with a Happy Meal from McDonalds!," so, maybe I'm the naive one here, but I don't see what the big deal is. If I was a 2nd grader who had just received all E's (for "Excellent," obvi) on my report card, you'd better believe my mom would be driving my ass to the golden arches for some Chicken McNuggets and a Barbie toy. It's not like their children had never heard of McDonalds prior to this report card ad, so, honestly, take a chill pill, Sunshine State. MickeyDs picked up the cost of printing the report cards for all 27,000 students, to that's less tax money coming out of your pocket.

Trivia: Did you know that the Today Show's own Willard Scott was the first Ronald McDonald EVER? (Why do I know that?)

(Source: The Consumerist)

xoxo,
Lex

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

He's Got 99 Problems and, Well, a Bitch MAY Be One of Them

As you may know, Jay-Z is a very well respected jigga around these parts. Seriously, he can do no wrong in my book. I can rap almost all of Can I Get A (What, What), and I am a white girl. And 99 Problems...what can you say about that song other than: perfection.

Since I like my boy Jay-Z so much, it worries me to see who he calls his lady friend. I like myself some Beyonce jams as much as the next person (Irreplacable comes up nearly everytime my friends and I give directions - go "to the left, to the left"), but she looks kind of like a robot; she is always dead in the eyes, as my girl Tyra would say. I also have a big problem with the way the girl dresses. She is really pretty and has a shitload of money, yet insists on wearing dresses that are a size too small for her. Or a size to ugly for...anyone, really. So Jay, I'm going to show you the things you have and you tell me which one is better, better, better, eh?


Your Current Girlfriend:

It's hard to tell because I couldn't get a bigger picture of her, but she looks a little like Shrek in that dress. You can tell it just doesn't fit her well at all. Disappointing.



Your "Protege" Rihanna:




First of all, I love her all metallic doing naked yoga or whatever in the Umbrella video. AND, she comes with the cutest puppy, ever. That's pretty much the only reason for posting that second picture; I'm in love with that freaking dog. Jay, you could have TWO hott bitches, instead of one that thinks the right way to wear clothes is to have them sewn onto her. I blame her mother and the House of Derierreon or whatever the hell her fashion line is called.
Thoughts? Why is Jay-Z with Beyonce instead of Rihanna? I really could not tell you, so I'm hoping somebody can tell me.
xoxo,
Lauren
ps - Sooperserial would like to thank Dave for his error catching regarding this entry.

"Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?"

Click here to read some spoilers on the new Batman movie, The Dark Night, set to come out in July. I have been totally crushing on Batman (and spoilers) ever since I can remember. I am a nerd. Anyway, the first Tim Burton movie holds a special place in my heart, so let's see if Heath Ledger's take on The Joker can live up to Jack Nicholson's.

EDIT: I was going to post "Batdance" music video just for awesomeness' sake, but out of fear that Prince will sue/kill my ass, here is the human version of the Comic Book Guy's rendition of "Batdance" instead.



xoxo,
Lex

Monday, December 3, 2007

Guess the Armpit!

Here's a new one for our few faithful readers. I'm going to start doing a weekly contest where you have to guess who is featured in the picture I post. These aren't going to be super-obvious, so keep an open mind and start guessing.
Guess the girl whose hairy airpit is in full view while dancing:



Leave your guesses in the Comments area, first one to guess it right wins. Good luck!

xoxo,
Lauren

GAY's Anatomy.

It's no secret that I loathe Grey's Anatomy (sorry, Lauren, and every other female who owns a television), but now I have yet another reason as to why I do. Katherine Heigl, one of the show's stars, is randomly calling her summer blockbuster Knocked Up "a little sexist."

WHAT? If anyone should be pissed about their portrayal in the film, it should be the men. They are basically shown as losers whose only goals in life are smoking pot and looking at porn.

Notice how she kept her annoying yap shut until AFTER she cashed her $300k paycheck. Like you never read the script before you shot the movie, jackass? What a greedy, fake, vain HO! This really irritates me. Time to walk away and count to ten.

(Source: Usmagazine.com)

xoxo,
Lex

Sunday, December 2, 2007

"I'm Gonna Blow EXTRA Hard, Y'all!"



It's someone's SPECIAL DAY today! That's right, we'd like to wish a very happy 26th birthday to our beloved Britney Spears. Wish for something good!

(Insert your own "and you smell like one, too" joke here.)

xoxo,
Lex



The Future of America

So I feel a little bad that I was making fun of N. Grace and her spawn because the thing is, I actually like babies. Not in a creepy way, but I just like when they say/do things that are hilarious because they don't know any better. To make it up to the spawn of Satan's spawn, I found 3 funny videos of babies, that I'm pretty sure will make you laugh. They are all under a minute, so you should probably just watch them all. Lex - I think you will like the last one the best, it has the requisite amount of sass for you.

#1 - Blood Baby



#2 - Monster baby


#3 - Sassy Penis Baby


Hope you enjoyed these!

xoxo,
Lauren